The neighbor behind me stopped his truck in front of my house tonight and got out. “I need to tell you something,” he said. So he walked up and pointed to a 4-inch scratch on his neck. “See this? Your tree did this.” I grimaced in sympathy. “So you need to trim your tree,” he… Read More

Author’s note: this was an entry for Texas Observer’s 2015 fiction contest. It didn’t win anything, but I thought someone might get a kick out of the satire.   The liberal media wants me to go apeshit over some poached baby elephant but I can’t give two craps. My outrage is reserved for better things,… Read More